Friday, October 11, 2013

What do husbands enjoy about MFM or wife-watching? What is the dynamic like?

Something I get asked by fans of our web site all the time is "What do husbands enjoy about about MFM or wife-watching? What is the dynamic like?"

I'm sure that the answer to that is different from guy to guy within in the lifestyle, like anything else, but here's my personal take on the subject.  
In our case, Janet and I play MOSTLY with single males and females - and only very, VERY rarely with couples. Why?  Hmmm....that's a long story.

First, a little background. I was in the lifestyle as a young single male prior to meeting Janet, from the age of 18 to 25. I was introduced to it by an older couple in their late 30's - experienced swingers whose lady half had a fantasies of seducing a much-younger guy, as well as MFM threesomes. They introduced me to other (mostly older) couples and, over the next several years, I was part of many MFM threesomes, a few gang bangs and lots of solo action with the wives while their husbands watched. I also was lucky enough to have a couple of very open-minded, highly sexual by the time I was 25 I had lived out pretty much every fantasy a guy could have - anal sex, threesomes with two women, sex with hot older women, sex with an Asian woman, black women, name it.. This was even more striking than it sounds because I was a shy kid growing up. (I'll be the first to admit, in retrospect, that it helped being really fit and having a big dick...not "huge" by pro porn standards, but definitely big...far larger than average.)  So by the time I met Janet, not only had I "sown my wild oats" far beyond what many guys ever get to to do in their entire lives, but I also was very much in touch with my own unconventional sexuality and my own personal sexual boundaries. And one thing I knew about myself was that the most exciting thing for me was bringing pleasure to my partner no matter how she liked it. Nothing a woman needed sexually "threatened" me - rather, it excited me - and I had met a lot of other husbands who were the same in that regard.
Flash forward to Janet and I meeting in a couple of years later. She was 21 and had limited sexual  experience - I was several years older and had a lot of it. Despite her limited experiences, she had some very kinky sexual fantasies and was liberal enough to share them with me quite early on in our relationship. As anyone who knows our site will guess, those fantasies were, and still remain, centered on being "shared" with other men, huge cocks (mine was her first "big one" and it awakened something very deep and primal in her), interracial sex with black studs, and multiple male partners  at once. I had enough experiences with older couples to know that these were in no way "rare" female fantasies (especially multiple male partners and the interracial thing) and that they did not in any way interfere with a woman's ability to be a good girlfriend, wife, mother or anything else. Rather than feeling intimidated by Janet's fantasies, I was very comfortable with and excited by her obvious enthusiasm for them.

So...we started exploring these fantasies early on, verbally at first and, later, after we married, in real life. When it finally happened several years later, after we started raising a family, Janet took to her very first experience with an extra man - who was black - like a fish to water. Ditto for her first experience with a guy hung even larger than me (very, VERY much larger). It was clear that in her case the reality was as good or even better than the fantasy. Witnessing her excitement and happiness was incredibly exciting for me as well - after all, I had already lived out more male fantasies than most guys ever get to live out and it was incredibly gratifying to enable the same freedom and experience for someone I loved deeply. That set us on the path of focusing primarily (but not exclusively) on finding extra, fit, well-endowed males for her pleasure. Suffice it to say that she loved it and could not get enough.

Which brings us to the present. Now we still "play" mostly with single males, but things have changed a bit. When we were younger, the guys were almost all about our ages or older - now they are mostly much younger than Janet, because that is what turns her on. When we were younger it was mostly interracial - now, she likes (young) white guys as well. Before, the guys had to be hung at least as big as me - now, she likes them even bigger than me, because that makes it more special for her. And when we were younger, she had zero interest in bisexual play with other women - now she is very much in touch with a bi side she never knew existed.

So what are the reasons we play mostly with single guys as opposed to single women and couples, and what is the dynamic like for me as the husband?

The main reason is that, for purely physical sex with no "relationship" component, Janet prefers much-younger guys in their sexual prime (early to mid 20's, sometimes up to their early 30's), whereas I prefer mature women over 40. She likes smooth young hardbody studs who can fuck like athletes for hours and then want to just go on their merry way, leaving her sweaty and exhausted while she and I cuddle, reconnect and have our own intimacy - whereas I prefer women close to my age or older whom I can have a conversation with. For obvious reasons, we almost never meet couples who match what we each prefer.
Another reason is that Janet is a true cock-hound with an enormous amount of sexual energy. We've been together since she was 21 and now, in her late 40's, that's even more true. Very, VERY few guys can keep up with her in bed - even many younger ones can't - so "multiple male partners" has always been her natural element. When we met, I was closer to my sexual prime and Janet was still many years from entering hers. Back then, even in my late 20's, I could not only keep up with Janet but I could still last long enough to out-fuck every woman I'd ever been with prior to her. Now, however, I am in my early 50's and Janet is in her her late 40's. She is in her sexual prime, and I am past mine. Don't get me wrong - I still love sex, like any man, and I still crave Janet's body and soul like no time has passed. But no man my age (and I am exceptionally healthy & very fit, more so than half of the 20-something fans who send us their photos) could possibly keep up with a woman like Janet. It's just the natural order of things and I have always been the type of guy who wants the best for his lady.
A  third reason is that Janet is very much an exhibitionist and I am much more of a voyeur. She loves showing off and being "watched" - I love watching her show off and I like watching her play as much as I enjoy fucking her myself. It's kind of like stepping outside my body and viewing her pleasure from a different angle. I know her so well, all of her nuances...each little noise, movement, inflection…and it's just really sexy to see it from the perspective of an outsider without my own pleasure obscuring it. (On another note, I've also noticed that I can actually smell her arousal more when I am watching, too, which is a further turn-on. The sights, sounds and smells of sex are MUCH more intense when one is not actively engaged in pursuing one's own orgasm.) For me, watching Janet in the throes of pleasure with someone else is like nuclear-powered porn…on steroids.  Regular porn can't compare, which is one reason neither of us are into watching most porn aside from our own amateur stuff. (And even with that, we hardly ever watch it after we make it - it's the "experience" and the memories that "do it" for us.)
Yet another reason is singles come without the drama that sometimes comes with couples. No potential jealous partners, no worries about one partner being into it while the other isn't, etc.
The final reason - and probably the most important one - is that I enjoy "spoiling" the people I love so, naturally, indulging my wife in something that never fails to bring her extreme pleasure - and seeing that look on her face when she feels it - is beyond gratifying for me. It's like the thrill of buying her a diamond necklace or a fur coat or flowers, etc., over and over again...except that, unlike those material things, it can never get old and routine because the cast of single males always changes.
Jealousy? Not a problem. I have no desire to see her with non-threatening "Average Joes" at all…not that she wants that type anyway. I WANT the guys to be the true "studs" she craves, and fortunately she has no trouble attracting them. The better-looking the guy, the younger he is, the more fit he is, the more well-hung he is (she is a size queen, for sure), and the better he is in bed, the MORE I like it because those are the qualities that turn her on and it's all about her pleasure in that type of scenario - especially in comparison to when we are with a single woman or a couple. The more excited she is, the more it excites me. The happier she is, the happier I am. I just don't just "witness" her excitement and happiness, I actually FEEL them, and it's a mind-blowing, almost out-of-body spiritual experience. (I believe the term for this is "compersion".) 
Of course, it helps that I am well-hung and in-shape myself - we're not into that "wimp husband" or "cuckold humiliation" stuff at all. She likes guys who have what I have, only more of it, so to speak…sort of younger versions of me, with even bigger dicks, bigger balls, better bodies and more stamina...all her erotic "buttons". And we are lucky in that even as she approaches 50, she attracts them like a magnet.
So that's my perspective. Again, I am sure other husbands will agree or disagree, but that's irrelevant. In the end, it's your relationship so only what YOU as a couple like and think matters.

That's it for my first blog entry. Until next time!